Hands up if you saw this one coming. After just fourteen months, Katy Perry and Russell Brand are calling it quits. Insiders say he didn’t like her boozing now that he’s all clean.
Curiously, the split comes just two months after she told Ellen Degeneres she wanted Russell’s kids and just a few weeks after he said they’d be married for eternity. Both are in showbiz so they know how to lie. But was it also self-delusion?
I blame the wedding. Yeah, I know you can’t get a divorce without one but there is something about over-the-top nuptials that makes me leery. They did the deed in India with elephants and acrobats.
I’ve had friends who’ve gone crazy planning the big day down to multiple attendants and carving initials in rocks for guests to take away as a sign of their love. Yeah, right.
It’s not the big day, the endless stretch of little ones that follow. It’s what happens when he forgets the anniversary of your first time or calls you "Babe" by mistake. It’s when he has to kill a spider or convince you the new computer really isn’t Hal and doesn’t hate you.
Average people don’t get this, swept up in romance and bemused by fonts for invitations. How can celebrities? Their whole lives are make-believe. Their marriages will be any different?
Also, the whole "Go to bed with Gilda, wake up with Rita Hayworth" bit. Sure, Rita or Katy or even Russell aren’t chump change but they aren’t perfect. Life isn’t Photoshopped and even J-Lo has cellulite. (I buy the tabloids so I speak from authority.)
What’s next for the unhappy couple?
A period of mourning. Photos of them looking bereft. Then dating and finding eternal love. Again.
Thus is the cycle of celebrity life.