Tom Cruise to Sing Bad 80s Metal in Movie This Summer

The producers of Rock of Ages, that mish-mash musical that tries to give honour to 80s hair metal, somehow found investors to turn the stage production into a movie.  When it opens June 15, we'll get to hear the following people sing: 

• Alex Baldwin
• Russell Brand
• Paul Giamatti
• Catherine Zeta-Jones (Remember that she won an Oscar for Chicago)
• Mary J. Blige (No questions here)
• And Tom Cruise.  Yes, him.

No, I am not making this up.  And it not only feels worse than you imagine, it feels worse than you can imagine.

Tommy will rock out on songs by Guns 'N Roses, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Poison, Scorpions and Journey.  Again, I'm dead serious.

And yes, there will be a soundtrack on June 5.  Just check out this tracklisting.

1. Paradise City (Tom Cruise)
2. Sister Christian / Just Like Paradise / Nothin' But A Good Time (Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin)
3. Juke Box Hero / I Love Rock 'n' Roll  (Diego Boneta, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Julianne Hough)
4. Hit Me With Your Best Shot (Catherine Zeta-Jones)
5. Waiting For A Girl Like You (Diego Boneta, Julianne Hough)
6. More Than Words / Heaven (Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta)
7. Wanted Dead Or Alive (Tom Cruise, Julianne Hough)
8. I Want To Know What Love Is (Tom Cruise, Malin Akerman)
9. I Wanna Rock (Diego Boneta)
10. Pour Some Sugar On Me (Tom Cruise)
11. Harden My Heart (Julianne Hough, Mary J. Blige)
12. Shadows of the Night / Harden My Heart (Mary J. Blige, Julianne Hough)
13. Here I Go Again (Diego Boneta, Paul Giamatti, Julianne Hough, Mary J. Blige, Tom Cruise)
14. Can't Fight This Feeling (Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin)
15. Any Way You Want It (Mary J. Blige, Constantine Maroulis, Julianne Hough)
16. Undercover Love (Diego Boneta)
17. Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise, Mary J. Blige)
18. Rock You Like A Hurricane (Julianne Hough, Tom Cruise)
19. We Built This City / We're Not Gonna Take It (Russell Brand / Catherine Zeta-Jones)
20. Don't Stop Believin' (Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Mary J. Blige)

Will I go see this film?  I'd rather be slathered in honey and fed to a bear with rabies.

Comments

[Adam]

Rabies. Ha!

[Steph D]

Saw the musical in Toronto, and was thoroughly entertained. Great little Rock opera. But whoever was in charge of casting this movie should be sentenced to forever listen to this soundtrack on repeat.

[Garnet]

This is either the awesomest or horriblest thing ever.

[Drake]

I like your humor mate, I've seen great reviews from early screenings. Cruise might be getting an Oscar nod for this, according to the person who has seen the movie at Deadline.